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CHAP. X.—THROUGH A LOVE OF BALL-PLAYING life-giving sacraments, confessing Thee, O Lord AND SHOWS, HE NEGLECTS HIS STUDIES AND Jesus, for the remission of sins. So my cleansTHE INJUNCTIONS OF HIS PARENTS. ing was deferred, as if I must needs, should I live, be further polluted; because, indeed, the guilt contracted by sin would, after baptism, be believed with my mother and the whole house, greater and more perilous. Thus I at that time

For she was desirous that

Thou, O my God, shouldst be my Father rather than he; and in this Thou didst aid her to overof the two, she yielded obedience, because in come her husband, to whom, though the better this she yielded obedience to Thee, who dost so

16. And yet I erred, O Lord God, the Creator and Disposer of all things in Nature, but of sin the Disposer only,-I erred, O Lord my God, in doing contrary to the wishes of my parents and of those masters; for this learning except my father; yet he did not overcome the which they (no matter for what motive) wished influence of my mother's piety in me so as to me to acquire, I might have put to good account prevent my believing in Christ, as he had not afterwards. For I disobeyed them not because yet believed in Him. I had chosen a better way, but from a fondness for play, loving the honour of victory in the matches, and to have my ears tickled with lying fables, in order that they might itch the more furiously—the same curiosity beaming more and more in my eyes for the shows and sports of my elders. Yet those who give these entertainments are held in such high repute, that almost all desire the same for their children, whom they are still willing should be beaten, if so be these same games keep them from the studies by which they desire them to arrive at being the givers of them. Look down upon these things, O Lord, with compassion, and deliver us who now call upon Thee; deliver those also who do not call upon Thee, that they may call upon Thee, and that Thou mayest deliver them.

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command.

18. I beseech Thee, my God, I would gladly know, if it be Thy will, to what end my baptism was then deferred? Was it for my good that the reins were slackened, as it were, upon me for me to sin? Or were they not slackened? If not, whence comes it that it is still dinned him act as he likes, for he is not yet baptized"? into our ears on all sides, "Let him alone, let But as regards bodily health, no one exclaims, "Let him be more seriously wounded, for he is not yet cured!" How much better, then, had it been for me to have been cured at once; and then, by my own and my friends' diligence, my soul's restored health had been kept safe in Thy keeping, who gavest it! Better, in truth. But how numerous and great waves of temptation appeared to hang over me after my childhood! These were foreseen by my mother; and she preferred that the unformed clay should be exposed to them rather than the image itself.

CHAP. XII.-BEING COMPELLED, HE GAVE HIS

ATTENTION TO LEARNING; BUT FULLY AC-
KNOWLEDGES THAT THIS WAS THE WORK OF

GOD.

17. Even as a boy I had heard of eternal life promised to us through the humility of the Lord our God condescending to our pride, and I was signed with the sign of the cross, and was seasoned with His salt' even from the womb of my mother, who greatly trusted in Thee. Thou sawest, O Lord, how at one time, while yet a boy, being suddenly seized with pains in the stomach, and being at the point of death-Thou sawest, O my God, for even then Thou wast my keeper, with what emotion of mind and with what faith I solicited from the piety of my mother, and of Thy Church, the mother of us all, the baptism of Thy Christ, my Lord and for I would not have learned had I not been my God. On which, the mother of my flesh For no man doth well against his being much troubled,-since she, with a heart will, even if that which he doth be well. pure in Thy faith, travailed in birth more lov- Neither did they who forced me do well, but ingly for my eternal salvation,-would, had I not quickly recovered, have without delay pro- the above) postponed till the hour of death approached. The doc vided for my initiation and washing by Thy

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19. But in this my childhood (which was far of learning, and hated to be forced to it, yet less dreaded for me than youth) I had no love was I forced to it notwithstanding; and this was well done towards me, but I did not well,

compelled.

3 Baptism was in those days frequently (and for similar reasons to tors of the Church endeavoured to discourage this, and persons bap tized on a sick-bed (" clinically") were, if they recovered, looked on with suspicion. The Emperor Constantine was not baptized till the close of his life, and he is censured by Dr. Newman (Arians, iii. sec. 1) for presuming to speak of questions which divided the Arians and the Orthodox as "unimportant," while he himself was both unbaptized and uninstructed. On the postponing of baptism with a view to unrestrained enjoyment of the world, and on the severity of the early Church towards sins committed after baptism, see Kaye's Tertullian, pp. 234-241.

Well done!" is cried until one feels ashamed not to be such a man. And for this I shed no tears, though I wept for Dido, who sought death at the sword's point," myself the while seeking the lowest of Thy creatures-having forsaken Thee-earth tending to the earth; and if forbidden to read these things, how grieved would I feel that I was not permitted to read what grieved me. This sort of madness is considered a more honourable and more fruitful learning than that by which I learned to read and write.

the good that was done to me came from Thee, my God. For they considered not in what way I should employ what they forced me to learn, unless to satisfy the inordinate desires of a rich beggary and a shameful glory. But Thou, by whom the very hairs of our heads are numbered,' didst use for my good the error of all who pressed me to learn; and my own error in willing not to learn, didst Thou make use of for my punishment of which I, being so small a boy and so great a sinner, was not unworthy. Thus by the instrumentality of those who did 22. But now, O my God, cry unto my soul; not well didst Thou well for me; and by my and let Thy Truth say unto me, "It is not so; own sin didst Thou justly punish me. For it is it is not so; better much was that first teacheven as Thou hast appointed, that every inordi-ing." For behold, I would rather forget the nate affection should bring its own punish- wanderings of Æneas, and all such things, than ment.2

how to write and read. But it is true that over the entrance of the grammar school there hangs CHAP. XIII.-—HE DELIGHTED IN LATIN STUDIES a vail; but this is not so much a sign of the AND THE EMPTY FABLES OF THE POETS, BUT majesty of the mystery, as of a covering for HATED THE ELEMENTS OF LITERATURE AND error. Let not them exclaim against me of

THE GREEK LANGUAGE.

whom I am no longer in fear, whilst I confess 20. But what was the cause of my dislike of to Thee, my God, that which my soul desires, Greek literature, which I studied from my boy- and acquiesce in reprehending my evil ways, that hood, I cannot even now understand. For the I may love Thy good ways. Neither let those Latin I loved exceedingly-not what our first cry out against me who buy or sell grammarmasters, but what the grammarians teach; for those learning. For if I ask them whether it be true, primary lessons of reading, writing, and cipher- as the poet says, that Æneas once came to ing, I considered no less of a burden and a pun- Carthage, the unlearned will reply that they do ishment than Greek. Yet whence was this not know, the learned will deny it to be true. unless from the sin and vanity of this life? for I But if I ask with what letters the name Æneas was "but flesh, a wind that passeth away and is written, all who have learnt this will answer cometh not again." (For those primary lessons truly, in accordance with the conventional unwere better, assuredly, because more certain; derstanding men have arrived at as to these seeing that by their agency I acquired, and still signs. Again, if I should ask which, if forgotretain, the power of reading what I find written, would cause the greatest inconvenience in writing myself what I will; whilst in our life, reading and writing, or these poetical. Nas compelled to learn about the fictions, who does not see what every one would of a certain Æneas, oblivious of my answer who had not entirely forgotten himself? id to weep for Dido dead, because she I erred, then, when as a boy I preferred those slew herself for love; while at the same time I vain studies to those more profitable ones, or brooked with dry eyes my wretched self dying rather loved the one and hated the other. far from Thee, in the midst of those things, Ŏ"One and one are two, two and two are four,” God, my life.

ten, an C., the c

wand

this was then in truth a hateful song to me; while the wooden horse full of armed men, and the burning of Troy, and the "spectral image" of Creusa were a most pleasant spectacle of vanity.

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CHAP. XIV.—WHY HE DESPISED GREEK LITERA

21. For what can be more wretched than the wretch who pities not himself shedding tears over the death of Dido for love of Æneas, but shedding no tears over his own death in not loving Thee, O God, light of my heart, and bread of the inner mouth of my soul, and the power that weddest my mind with my innermost thoughts? I did not love Thee, and committed fornication against Thee; and those around me thus sinning cried, “Well done! Well done!" For the friendship of this world is fornication against Thee; and "Well done! ship, and subsequently in courts of law, emperors palaces, and

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TURE, AND EASILY LEARNED LATIN.

23. But why, then, did I dislike Greek learn

Eneid, vi. 457.

6"The 'vail was an emblem of honour, used in places of wor even private house. See Du Fresne and Hoffman sub v. That between the vestibule, or proscholium, and the school itself, besides being a mark of dignity, may, as St. Augustin perhaps implies, have been intended to denote the hidden mysteries taught therein, and that the mass of mankind were not fit hearers of truth."E. B. P.

Eneid, ii. 772.

For when

ing, which was full of like tales?1 For Homer what I speak, and write, and count.
also was skilled in inventing similar stories, and
is most sweetly vain, yet was he disagreeable to
me as a boy. I believe Virgil, indeed, would
be the same to Grecian children, if compelled
to learn him, as I was Homer. The diffi-
culty, in truth, the difficulty of learning a
foreign language mingled as it were with gall
all the sweetness of those fabulous Grecian
stories. For not a single word of it did I un-
derstand, and to make me do so, they vehe-
mently urged me with cruel threatenings and
punishments. There was a time also when (as
an infant) I knew no Latin; but this I acquired
without any fear or tormenting, by merely
taking notice, amid the blandishments of my
nurses, the jests of those who smiled on me,
and the sportiveness of those who toyed with me.
I learnt all this, indeed, without being urged
by any pressure of punishment, for my own
heart urged me to bring forth its own concep-
tions, which I could not do unless by learning
words, not of those who taught me, but of those
who talked to me; into whose ears, also, I
brought forth whatever I discerned. From this
it is sufficiently clear that a free curiosity hath
more influence in our learning these things than
a necessity full of fear. But this last restrains
the overflowings of that freedom, through Thy
laws, O God,-Thy laws, from the ferule of the
schoolmaster to the trials of the martyr, being
effective to mingle for us a salutary bitter, call-
ing us back to Thyself from the pernicious
delights which allure us from Thee.

I learned vain things, Thou didst grant me Thy
discipline; and my sin in taking delight in
those vanities, Thou hast forgiven me. I
learned, indeed, in them many useful words;
but these may be learned in things not vain,
and that is the safe way for youths to walk in.
+

CHAP. XVI.-HE DISAPPROVES OF THE MODE OF
EDUCATING YOUTH, AND HE POINTS OUT WHY
WICKEDNESS IS ATTRIBUTED TO THE GODS BY
THE POETS.

CHAP. XV.—HE ENTREATS GOD, THAT WHATEVER
USEFUL THINGS HE LEARNED AS A BOY MAY BE
DEDICATED TO HIM.

24. Hear my prayer, O Lord; let not my soul faint under Thy discipline, nor let me faint in confessing unto Thee Thy mercies, whereby Thou hast saved me from all my most mischievous ways, that Thou mightest become sweet to me beyond all the seductions which I used to follow; and that I may love Thee entirely, and grasp Thy hand with my whole heart, and that Thou mayest deliver me from every temptation, even unto the end. For lo, O Lord, my King and my God, for Thy service be whatever useful thing I learnt as a boy-for Thy service

1 Exaggerated statements have been made as to Augustin's deficiency in the knowledge of Greek. In this place it is clear that he simply alludes to a repugnance to learn a foreign language that has often been seen in boys since his day. It would seem equally clear

custom!
25. But woe unto thee, thou stream of human
Who shall stay thy course? How
long shall it be before thou art dried up? How
long wilt thou carry down the sons of Eve into
that huge and formidable ocean, which even
they who are embarked on the cross (lignum)
can scarce pass over? Do I not read in thee
of Jove the thunderer and adulterer? And the
two verily he could not be; but it was that,
while the fictitious thunder served as a cloak,
he might have warrant to imitate real adultery.
Yet which of our gowned masters can lend a
temperate ear to a man of his school who cries
out and says: "These were Homer's fictions;
he transfers things human to the gods. I could
have wished him to transfer divine things to us.'
But it would have been more true had he said:
"These are, indeed, his fictions, but he attri-
buted divine attributes to sinful men, that
crimes might not be accounted crimes, and that
whosoever committed any might appear to imi-
tate the celestial gods and not abandoned men."
26. And yet, thou stream of hell, into thee
are cast the sons of men, with re
ing these things; and much is
this is going on in the for
laws which grant a salary
rewards. And thou beatest
and roarest, saying, "Hence rds are learnt ;
hence eloquence is to be attained, most neces-
sary to persuade people to your way of thinking,
and to unfold your opinions.” So, in truth,
we should never have understood these words,
"golden shower,"
golden shower," "bosom," "intrigue,"
"highest heavens," and other words written in
the same place, unless Terence had introduced
a good-for-nothing youth upon the stage, set-
ting up Jove as his example of lewdness :-

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O'E GAVE HIS
FULLY AC-

Viewing a picture, where the tale was drawn,

Of Jove's descending in a golden shower

To Danae's bosom... with a woman to intrigue."

from Bk. vii. sec. 13 (see also De Trin. iii. sec. 1), that when he And see how he excites himself to lust, as if by could get a translation of a Greek book, he preferred it to one in the celestial authority, when he says:original language. Perhaps in this, again, he is not altogether singular. It is difficult to decide the exact extent of his knowledge, But those familiar with his writings can scarcely fail to be satisfied 2 So in Tract. II. on John, he has: "The sea has to be crossed, that he had a sufficient acquaintance with the language to correct and dost thou despise the wood?" explaining it to mean the cross his Italic version by the Greek Testament and the LXX., and that of Christ. And again: "Thou art not at all able to walk in the he was quite alive to the importance of such knowledge in an inter-sea, be carried by a ship-be carried by the wood-believe on the preter of Scripture. See also Con. Faust, xi. 2-4; and De Doctr. Crucified," etc. Christ. ii. 11-15. 8 Cic. Tusc. i. 26.

"Great Jove,

Who shakes the highest heavens with his thunder,
And I, poor mortal man, not do the same!

I did it, and with all my heart I did it.”’1

was thus carried towards vanity, and went forth from Thee, O my God, when men were proposed to me to imitate, who, should they in reNot one whit more easily are the words learnt lating any acts of theirs-not in themselves evil for this vileness, but by their means is the vile--be guilty of a barbarism or solecism, when ness perpetrated with more confidence. I do censured for it became confounded; but when not blame the words, they being, as it were, they made a full and ornate oration, in wellchoice and precious vessels, but the wine of chosen words, concerning their own licentiouserror which was drunk in them to us by inebri-ness, and were applauded for it, they boasted? ated teachers; and unless we drank, we were Thou seest this, O Lord, and keepest silence, beaten, without liberty of appeal to any sober "long-suffering, and plenteous in mercy and judge. And yet, O my God,-in whose presence I can now with security recall this,-did I, unhappy one, learn these things willingly, and with delight, and for this was I called a boy of good promise."

CHAP. XVII.—HE CONTINUES ON THE UNHAPPY
METHOD OF TRAINING YOUTH IN LITERARY
SUBJECTS.

27. Bear with me, my God, while I speak a little of those talents Thou hast bestowed upon lesson sufficiently disquieting to my soul was given me, in hope of praise, and fear of shame or stripes, to speak the words of Juno, as she raged and sorrowed that she could not

me, and on what follies I wasted them. For a

the

the c

"Latium bar

From all approaches of the Dardan king,"

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truth," as Thou art. Wilt Thou keep silence for ever? And even now Thou drawest out of this vast deep the soul that seeketh Thee and thirsteth after Thy delights, whose "heart said unto Thee," I have sought Thy face, "Thy face, Lord, will I seek."6 For I was far from Thy face, through my darkened affections. For it is not by our feet, nor by change of place, that we either turn from Thee or return to Thee. Or, indeed, did that younger son look out for visible wings, or journey by the motion of his horses, or chariots, or ships, or fly away with limbs, that he might, in a far country, prodigally waste all that Thou gavest him when he set out? A kind Father when Thou gavest, and kinder still when he returned destitute! So, then, in wanton, that is to say, in darkened affections, lies distance from Thy face.

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29. Behold, O Lord God, and behold which I had heard Juno never uttered. Yet patiently, as Thou art wont to do, how diliwere we compelled to stray in the footsteps of gently the sons of men observe the conventional these poetic fictions, and to turn that into prose rules of letters and syllables, received from those which the poet had said in verse. And his who spoke prior to them, and yet neglect the speaking was most applauded in whom, accord- eternal rules of everlasting salvation received ing t eputation of the persons delineated, from Thee, insomuch that he who practises or anger and sorrow were most teaches the hereditary rules of pronunciation, ten, an CH, IN iced, and clothed in the most if, contrary to grammatical usage, he should say, NLG* . But what is it to me, O my without aspirating the first letter, a uman being, wand d, that my declaiming was ap- will offend men more than if, in opposition to own, ar ",. at of many who were my con- Thy commandments, he, a human being, were temporaries and fellow-students? Behold, is not to hate a human being. As if, indeed, any all this smoke and wind? Was there nothing man should feel that an enemy could be more else, too, on which I could exercise my wit and destructive to him than that hatred with which tongue? Thy praise, Lord, Thy praises might he is excited against him, or that he could dehave supported the tendrils of my heart by Thy stroy more utterly him whom he persecutes than Scriptures; so had it not been dragged away he destroys his own soul by his enmity. And by these empty trifles, a shameful prey of the of a truth, there is no science of letters more fowls of the air. For there is more than one innate than the writing of conscience—that he way in which men sacrifice to the fallen angels. is doing unto another what he himself would not suffer. How mysterious art Thou, who in silence "dwellest on high," Thou God, the only great, who by an unwearied law dealest out the punishment of blindness to illicit desires! When a man seeking for the reputation of eloquence stands before a human judge while

CHAP. XVIII.-MEN DESIRE TO OBSERVE THE
RULES OF LEARNING, BUT NEGLECT THE ETER-

NAL RULES OF EVERLASTING SAFETY.

28. But what matter of surprise is it that I

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a thronging multitude surrounds him, inveighs was, then, the stature of childhood that Thou, against his enemy with the most fierce hatred, O our King, didst approve of as an emblem of he takes most vigilant heed that his tongue slips humility when Thou saidst: "Of such is the not into grammatical error, but takes no heed kingdom of heaven."3 lest through the fury of his spirit he cut off a man from his fellow-men.1

31. But yet, O Lord, to Thee, most excellent and most good, Thou Architect and Gov30. These were the customs in the midst of ernor of the universe, thanks had been due unto which I, unhappy boy, was cast, and on that Thee, our God, even hadst Thou willed that I arena it was that I was more fearful of perpetra- should not survive my boyhood. For I existed ting a barbarism than, having done so, of envy- even then; I lived, and felt, and was solicitous ing those who had not. These things I declare about my own well-being,-a trace of that most and confess unto Thee, my God, for which I mysterious unity from whence I had my being; was applauded by them whom I then thought it I kept watch by my inner sense over the wholemy whole duty to please, for I did not perceive ness of my senses, and in these insignificant the gulf of infamy wherein I was cast away pursuits, and also in my thoughts on things infrom Thine eyes. For in Thine eyes what was significant, I learnt to take pleasure in truth. more infamous than I was already, displeasing I was averse to being deceived, I had a vigorous even those like myself, deceiving with innumer- memory, was provided with the power of able lies both tutor, and masters, and parents, speech, was softened by friendship, shunned from love of play, a desire to see frivolous spec- sorrow, meanness, ignorance. In such a being tacles, and a stage-stuck restlessness, to imitate what was not wonderful and praiseworthy? But them? Pilferings I committed from my all these are gifts of my God; I did not give parents' cellar and table, either enslaved by them to myself; and they are good, and all gluttony, or that I might have something to these constitute myself. Good, then, is He give to boys who sold me their play, who, that made me, and He is my God; and before though they sold it, liked it as well as I. In Him will I rejoice exceedingly for every good this play, likewise, I often sought dishonest gift which, as a boy, I had. For in this lay my victories, I myself being conquered by the vain sin, that not in Him, but in His creatures-mydesire of pre-eminence. And what could I so self and the rest-I sought for pleasures, honlittle endure, or, if I detected it, censured I so ours, and truths, falling thereby into sorrows, violently, as the very things I did to others, troubles, and errors. Thanks be to Thee, my and, when myself detected I was censured, pre-joy, my pride, my confidence, my God-thanks ferred rather to quarrel than to yield? Is this be to Thee for Thy gifts; but preserve Thou the innocence of childhood? Nay, Lord, nay, them to me. For thus wilt Thou preserve me; Lord; I entreat Thy mercy, O my God. For these same sins, as we grow older, are transferred from governors and masters, from nuts, and balls, and sparrows, to magistrates and kings, to gold, and lands, and slaves, just as the rod is succeeded by more severe chastisements. It

1 Literally, "takes care not by a slip of the tongue to say inter hominibus, but takes no care lest hominem auferat ex hominibus.", 2 Ps. xxxi. 22.

and those things which Thou hast given me shall be developed and perfected, and I myself shall be with Thee, for from Theey being

3 Matt. xix. 14. See i. sec. 11, note 3, above 4" To be is no other than to be one. In as there re, as any thing attains unity, in so far it is. For unity, worketh congruity and harmony, whereby things composite are in so far as they are; for things uncompounded are in themselves, because they are one; but things compounded imitate unity by the harmony of their parts, and, so far as they attain to unity, they are Wherefore order and rule secure being, disorder tends to not being."-AUG. De Morib. Manich. c. 6.

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