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To the right worthie and renowned Roister, Sir Richard Swash, Lord

and Master on Mount Maluorn, cheefe Controller on Salisburie-plaine, Keeper of Accounts in the Cart-way, cheefe forester in the forest of Dalamere, high Generall of the Downes, Baron of Birlip-hill, Sergeant of the Shoares and Sea-side, and Vicar of the Vallies : Your dayly Orator, Philip Foulface, wisheth all Health, Wealth, Might, long Life, and prosperous Successe, in all your Affaires and Enterprises where so euer,

WHEN Iupiter's head was great with childe, and the time of trauaile nere at hand: he skorning to complaine, yet put to his shiftes, was faine to send for Vulcan the Smith, to crase his crowne with a downedriuing blow; rot only to cause the swelling to cease, but also to prouide passage for the birth of his babe. Which thing when Vulcan had performed, in giuing him a sound pat on the pate, out starts Pallas at the opening of his head, and danced before him so maidenlike, that the present sight, so pleasant, expelled all former paines in the birth. Euen eo (most worthie sir) when the confused chaos of this matter following was first inhabitant in my witlesse head: then feared I no such swellings, as since I did feele, nor regarded those throwes, which now are overpast. Neverthelesse, when my braines fell to their busines, and began to beate as though my head had been ready to burst, disdaining withall the help of Mother Crackfart the midwife; Iuno Lucina was as dease as dishclout, so that Volens Nolens I betooke myselfe to the hearbe Hellebore, whose pleasant operation produced so present a purgation, that forthwith there followed a most speedie deliverance, excluding cares, renuing joy. This young impe thus borne, being brought to the font, was named Bacchvs Boynty. Which Boynty I willingly offer vnto your worthines; doubting not at all, but that you will highly accept of him; not only because he is a bonny boy, and the gift of a welwiller : but also because he was begot by Bacchvs, your wel-beloved friend ; conceaued by me, and nourished euer since with the iuice of the grape. From Ale-foorde, this ninth of December, Anno Dom. 1592.

Bounden to your Bignics,


Philip Foalface to the courteous Reader.

60 many men (some say) so many mindes,
The brauest Gnatho cannot but offend :
Mens mindes doe wauer like vnconstant windes,
Hard then sometimes to please our dearest friend.
Some hungrie curre may bark aboue the rest,
But please, or displease, I haue done my best.

He, that delights to heare of mortall warres,
Is too austere to reade this little booke :
Bnt he that ioyes to beare of good aleiarres,
I licence him with leaue, herein to looke.
Here (gentle reader) maiest thou finde great sport
To case thy cares, if hither thou resort,
And welcome all, which reade and meane none ill,
No further ill than 1, and welcome all :
A mery minde to mirth enclineth still,
If waightie causes doe not backward call.
Be mery then: Reade here, and doe not spare,
And welcome still: Here is no better Fare.



Quint. Allicit externas præsuaui nectare gentes,


non Mollia pleno Desunt vina cado.

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HE groutheaded Græcians, especiallie the annointed Achiues, I

meane the Beziladistes, those deuout doctors of Lob Libers canne ; these (I say) with their knight-like crue, thought it an high assumption to be as fathers in a frolicke feaste, or as base borne brothers, in bickering with the broth of bountifull Bacchus. Which coppernosed crue, the knuckle- lebunions of Rome, so assaulted with a fresh canuazado the ci:ic of Vires, that the alarum of the Romans brake nectars necke, bi ind shoulders ; insomuch that Vesta in great outrage rushed out trucke, and dedicated to sweet father Bacchvs as crimson a colour

then seene in her peereles peticote, most fragrantlie fuming vp is acclvs; and likewise into the nostrills of all his nosled nouise's her """},"s ner found sacrifice, in this sort offered to this bursten-bellied },trt such a sweet scent to the rest of the gods and goddesses,

cially to platter-faced Jupiter, that presently he appeased their inf's m tigated the afore offered iniurie, renewed nectar to former L'lio, itin' sent out Mercurie as ambassadour, to parle with Neptune, ? vi the seas; that Triton, his trustie trumpeter, should sound along

201ie to shoare throughout the whole worlde the blessed bountie Celivs.

"curie discharging himselfe, and Triton by commaundement of

bin, tied to the aforesaid chardge, with clattering clang he har red out such ioyfull newes, that not only Mount Ætna yeelded

tiesie flames in signification of sodaine joyes: but also Olympus mounted, in hope that Permessus, that pleasant spring, should rewhát tainted, with the sweet taste of so louely a liquor.

decreed tidings of Iupiter are worde by worde in effect, as

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Passe, Mercury, to Neptunes brinish bowers,
My wish, my will, in hast to him vnfolde;
Let Triton scale those hiest fleeting towers,
In Bacchvs praise let all his tale be tolde.
Let him commaund, the curists change their lives,
In vaine striues he, with Bacchvs brood which striuos.

The Bacchanals henceforth shall beare the sway,
With help of hypocrites they shall doe well;
This gift I giue, it shall be as I say,
Their forwardnes in fraies shall beare the bell.
I giue them right to sweare it out with wordes,
I giue them might to swash it out with swordes.

I will that these the auncient order holde,
Th'order of Knighthood neuer to decay :
The greatest soakers shal be least controulde,
Each Tyro shall of Nectar make his pray:
And whose conceipts God Bacchys deemes the best
Shall haue a rich reward aboue the rest.


Come, Ganimedes, come with chrystal cups,
Some nappie Nectar bring me here in place;
Accurst be he which Nectar only sups,
And turns not ouer pot by pot apace.
Accu rst be he which after Ceres gapes,
And shunnes to sucke the sugred sappe of


In griefe liue they with carkes of cares opprest,
Which leaue their liquor and away depart,
Till Bacchvs haue them crowned with his crest,
Whose force expelles all sorrowes from the hart,
With Viuat Bacchvs, let the Ocean ring,

The same let Africk, Asia, and Europe sing. Now Eccho, the babbling nymph, at the sound of Triton, hauing intelligence hereof, resounded this decree so mightilie towards the maine, that it easily entered into the hearing of all the inhabitants in euery hauen. And euen as, at the bellowing of the bonnie white bull, the ardent beates of Pasiphae were more and more increased ; in so much that one horn of his head was more precious in her precise imagination, than all her former sacrifices dedicated as dainties to delectable Diana : Eucn so as soone as the bruite of most bountifull Bacchvs was blazed abroad, Tom Typsay, an English tapster, welnere choaked with a marueilous drie heat, which he of late had got by lifting ouerlong at old Mother Redcaps* ; this Tom Typsay, I say, with a wel tried tankard trailing at his tail : the more he thought of Bacchus Boyntic, the more he desired to try the experience: and, the

Ai the Siga of Old Mother Redcap, in Ilighgate Road, formerly much noted for good ale.

further he laboured after his liking, the longer he lusted after his liquor ; wishing, at every foute, the worthie presence of so gracious a God.

Thus Tom Typsay, not only in hope to tipple with the best, but trusting to merite a further rewarde, fell flat downe on both his maribones, holding up his hands on hie towardes the heauens, and made his orison to the renowned God Bacchys, as hereafter followeth :

BONNY Bacchvs, God of wines,
Chefe maintainer of our vines,
Sucker the soule, in greefe which pines ;
Water to drinke, I hold not good,
Thy juice, Oh Bacchus, breeds best blood.
Nectar (good Bacchvs) Nectar send,
Braue Bacchvs, do thy bounty lend :
Vnto Tom Typsey stand a frend,
And so thy faine shall neuer ende.
Nectar, sweet Nectar, is my wish,
Behold my tankard, and my dish.
As for my plate, I haue it solde,
And for pure broath my money tolde;
Yet once againe let me beholde,
Euery morning warme or colde,
Nappie liquor, stout and bolde,
Commended and boasted,
In a pot trimly toasted,
The pots feet finely roasted
In a worthie fire.
And irst of all for my part,
To besiege and sacke the quarte,
Till it warme me well at hart,
And then doe it feele
Sincke downe into my heele :
And so next to take the paines
To passe vpward through the vaines,
And soake withall into these braines,
Which witles now, alas! remaines
For want of good liquor.

as to teach

Scarse had he ended this his petitory prattle, but Bacchvs, as willing to lend him a long eare to heare, as hee to open a wide mouth to aske; and as desirous to fetch him in for a footinan, as to turne him off his trusse; and as ready to feed him as fat as a foole, him the tricke to shue the goose, presently he roused vp his moisty head, and from a muddie muse so cleered vp his cherilike countenance, that the maiestie of his nose seemed as the beames of the sunne shining along throughout the coastes of Archadie. But, missing the sight of him whom he lately heard, forthwith he tumbled upon bis tunne, and standing bolt vpright, through the merueilous influence which to bim was imparted by Euriopazeus; he saw Tom Typsay in an exceeding

quandary, insomuch that Bacchus, for very pittie, through the might of his deitie, so curiously soared through the airie region, that in a moment he descried this perplexed tapster, and drawing nere him, he hailed him after this maner.

Whereas, (my friend) the groanes are so great and grieuous, that they haue ascended the hiest cloudes, which cry out, in thy behalfe, for my accustomed clemency, and pierced withall into my bountifull tunne, which now, troubled with the sharpnes of thy speech, threates out a danger to her former swauitie: behold, Bacchvs, Bacchvs, I say, thy best beloued God, ready prest to performe what thou art willing to demaunde.

Say on therefore boldly, and fear not; and withall know this, that Bacchvs hath not only a care to keep his clients in safety, but great cause (no doubt) to preserue them in felicity : for who is he that hath wuer heard, much lesse seene, that any of the Gods, at any time, so tendred the welfare of their suppliants, as from age to age, both dayly and hourely, hath been seene in me. The tyranny of Jupiter is testified by his threatning thunderbolte; the malice of Mars is expressed by his bloody blade ; the outrage of Pallas is dissembled by the booke, but euidently perceiued by the piercing launce; the broyles of Pan are performed by the crooke; the fury of Syluanus is known by the clubbe; the dismal decrces of Diana are noted by her dartes; and, to be briefe, all the other gods and goddesses, Hercules like, are cloyed with such cholericke clubbes, that their mouthes taste nothing sauing wordes of wrath, and their deeds seem vndecent, unlesse they smel of Teuenge.

But Bacchvs, that braue god, whom thou seest here present, abhorreth that his wightes should bee wearied with the waight of such vnweildie weapons. No, no; I beare (as thou maiest see) a beautifull braunch of goodly grapes, in token of joy and gladnes: whereas the terrour of other gods, to the griefe of mãny, doth prognosticate sorrow and sadnes.

Now therefore, tapster, if thou wilt be as ready to make trial of my boyntie, as I willing to inuite thee to my banquet, beholde, Whitsonweeke is neere at hand, then are my fcasts called Bacchanalia * ; then fusort together the whole band of Bacchvs in their chiefest brauerie, amongst whome, if it so please thee, thou shalt be entertained as a guest most welcome to Bacchvs.

Tom Typsay hearing so courteous a discourse, as a man márueilously amazed for joy, stood a long time staring in Bacchvs face, not able, poore soule, as then, to make a reply. But Bacchvs, a perfect phisitian, willing to preserue his patient in so pitifull a plight, reuiued his spirites with the sweet moysture of his tunne, and refreshed his braines with the iuice of his grapes. Hereat Tom Typsay, awaking as it were from a drousie slumber, yeelded to his god, Bacchvs, a tub full of thankes, and promised at the time appointed to bee there with the

* i. e, Dranken feasts; and truly whoever observes the rioting of the London-youth at White soptide, at Greenwich, or Wandsworth, &c. will be soon convinced, that Bacchus still keeps his Pentecost at London.

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