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have bim but I that am king of kings, and lord of lords ? Go, give him his price I command thee, and let me taste of him incontinently. Back returned the caterer like a dog that had burnt his tail, and poured down the herring merchant his hundred ducats for one of those two of the king of fishes 'unsold, which then he would not take, but stood upon two hundred. Thereupon they broke off; the one urging that he had offered it him so 'before; and the other, that he might have took him at his proffer; which since he refused, and now halpered with him ; as he eat up the first, so would he eat up the second, and let Pope, or Patriarch of Constantinople, fetch it out of his belly if they could : he was as good as his word, and had no sooner spoke the word, but he did as he spoke. With a heavy heart to the palace the yeoman of the mouth departed, and rehearsed this second ill success, wherewith Peter's successor was so in his mulligrums, that he had thought to have buffeted him, and cursed him with bell, book, and candle; but he ruled his reason, and bad him, though it cost a million, to let him have that third that rested behind, and hic him expeditely thither, lest some other snatched it up, and as fast, from thenco again ; for he swore by his triple crown, no crumb of refection would he gnaw upon, till he had sweetened his lips with it.

So said, so done, thither he flew as swift as Mercury, and threw hiin his two-hundred ducats, as he before demanded. It would not fadge, for then the market was raised to three-hundred, and, the caterer grumbling thereat, the fisher swain was forward to settle him to his tools, and tire upon it, as on the other two, had not he held his hands, and desired him to keep the peace, for no money should part them: with that speech he was qualified, and pursed the three hundred ducats, and delivered him the king of fishes, teaching him to geremumble it, sauce it, and dress it, and so sent him away a glad man. All the Pope's cooks, in their white sleeves, and linnen aprons, met him mid-way, to entertain and receive the king of fishes, and together by the ears they went, who should first handle him or touch him ; but the clerk of the kitchen appeased that strife, and would admit none but himself, to have the scorching and carbónading of it, and he kissed his hand thrice, and made, as inany humblessoes before he would finger it; and, such obeysances performed, he dressed it as he was enjoined, kneeling on his knees, and mumbling twenty Ave Maries to himself, in the sacrificing it on the coals, that his diligent service in the broiling and combustion of it, both to his kingship and to his fatherhood, might not seem unmeritorious. The fire had not pierced it, but, being a sweaty loggerhead, greasy sutor, endungeoned in his pocket a twelvemonth, it stunk so over the Pope's palace, that not a scullion but cried foh; and those, which at the first flocked the fastest about it, now Aed the most from it, and sought more to rid their hands of it, than before they sought to bless their bands with it. With much stopping of their noses, between two dishes they stewed it, and served it up. It was not come within three chambers of the Pope, but he smelt it; and, upon the smelling of it, enquiring what it should be that sent forth such a puissant perfume, the standers-by declared that it was the king of fishes : I conceited no less, said the Pope, for less than a king he

could not be that had so strong a scent ; and if his breath be so strong, what is he himself? Like a great king, like a strong king I will use him, let him be carried back I say, and my cardinals shall fetch him in with dirge and processions under my canopy:

Though they were double and double weary of him, yet, his edict being a law, to the kitchen they returned him, whither, by and by, the whole college of scarlet cardinals, with their crosiers, their censers

, their hosts, their Agnus dei's and crucifixes, flocked together, in heaps, as it had been to the conclave, or a general council, and the senior cardinal, that stood next in election, to be Pope, heaved him up from the dresser, with a dirge of de profundis natus est fex; rer he should have said, and so have made true Latin, but the spirable, odour and pestilent steam, ascending from it, put him out of his biass of congruity, and, as true as the truest Latin of Priscian, would have qucazened him, like the damp that took both Bell and Baram away, and many worthy man that day, if he had not been protected under the Pope's canopy, and the other cardinals, with their holy water sprinkles

, quenched his foggy fume and evaporating. About and about the inward and base court they circumducted him with kyrie eleison, and halleluiah, and the chanters in their golden copes, and white surplices, chaunted it out above gloria Patri; in praising of him, the organs played, the ordnance at the Castle of St. Angelo went off

, and all wind instruments blew as loud as the wind in winter, in his passado to the Pope's ordinary or dining-chamber, where, having set him down, upon their faces they fell flat, and licked every one his ell of dust, in douking on all four unto him.

The busy epitasis of the comedy was, when the dishes were uncovered, and the swarthrutter sowre took air, for then he made such an air, as Alcides himself, that cleansed the stables of Augæus, nor any hostler was able to endure.

This is once, the Pope it popped under board, and out of his palace worse it scared him than Neptune's phocases that scared the horses of Hippolytus, or the harpies Jupiter dogs sent to vex Phineus; the cardinals were at their ora pro nobis, and held this suffocation a mect sufferance, for so contemning the king of fishes, and his subjects, and fleshly surfeiting in their carnivals. Necromantic sorcery, necromantic sorcery, some evil spirit of an heretick it is, which thus molesteth his apostolickship. The friars and monks caterwauled from the abbots and priors to the novices, wherefore, tanquam in circo, we will tronce him in a circle, and make him tell what lanternman, or groom of Hecate's close-stool he is, that thus nefariously and proditoriously profanes and penetrates our holy father's ‘nostrils : what needs there any more ambages ? The ringol, or ringed circle was compassed and chalked out, and the king of fishes, by the name of the king of fishes, conjured to appear in the centre of it; but surdo cantant absurdi, sive surdum incantant fratres sordidi, he was a king abso lute, and would not be at every man's call; and if friar Pendela and his fellows had any thing to say to him, in his admiral court of the sea, let them seek him, and neither in Hull, Hell, nor Halifax.

They seeing, that by, their charms and spells they could spell nothing of him, fell to a more charitable suppose, that it imight be the distres sed soul of some king that was drowned, who, being long in purgatory. and not relieved by the prayers of the church, had leave, in that dis. guised form, to have egress and regress to Rome, to crave their benevolence of dirges, trentals, and so forth, to belp him forward on his journey to Limbus Patrum, or Elysium; and because they would not easily believe what tortures in purgatory he had sustained, unles they wer eye-witnesses of them, he thought to represent to all their senses the image and idea of his combustion, and broiling there, and the horrible stench of his sins accompanying both under bis frying and broiling op the coals, in the Pope's kitchen, and the intolerable smell or stink he sent forth under either. Una voce in this spleep tò Pope Vigilius they ran, and craved that this king of fishes might first have Christian bu. rial; next, that he might have masses sung for him, and last, that for a Saint he would canonize him. All these he granted, to be rid of his file thy redolence, and his chief casket, wherein he put all bis jewels, he made the coffin of his inclosure, and, for his insainting, look the almanack in the beginning of April; and see if you can find out such a saint as Saint Gildard, which, in honour of this gilded fish, the Pope insainted ; nor there he rested and stopped, but in the mitigation of the very embers whereon he was sindged, that, after he was taken by them, fumed most fulsomely of his fatty droppings, be ordained Ember-weeks in their meinory, to be fasted everlastingly,

I had well nigh forgot a special point of my Romish history, and that is, how Madam Celina Cornificia, one of the curiousest curtezans of Rome, wben the fame of the king of fishes was cannon-toared in her ears, she sent all her jewels to the Jewish Lombard to pawn, to buy and incaptive him to her trencber; but her purveyor came a day after the fair, and, as he came, so he fared, for not a scrap of him, but the cobs of the two herrings, the fisherman had eaten, remained of him, and those cobs, rather than he would go home with a sleeve

answer, he bought at the rate of fourscore ducats (they were rich cobs you must rate them) and of them all chuffs, which make their bellies and their bags their Gods, are called rich cobs. Every man will not clap hands to this tale: The Norwichers, imprimis, who say, the first gilding of herrings was deducted from them; and, after this guise, they tune the accent of their speech, how that when Castor was Norwich (a town two miles beyond this Norwich, that is termed to this day Norwich Castor, and having monuments of a castle in it, invironing fifty acres of ground, and ring-bolts in the walls, whereto ships were fastened) oựr Norwich, now upon hor legs, 'was a poor fisher-town, and the sca spawled and springed up to her common stairs in Confur-street.

All this may pass in the Queen's peace, and no man say bo to it: brat, bawwaw, quoth Bagshaw, to that which drawlatcheth behind, of the first taking of herrings there, and currying and gilding them amongst them; whereof, if they could whisper to us any simple likelihood, or raw-boned carcass of reason, more than their imaginary dream of Gilding-cross in their parish of St. Saviour's (now stumped up by the


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roots) so named, as they would have it, of the simoaky gilding of herrings there first invented, I could well have allowed of; but they must bring better cards before they win it from Yarmouth.

As good a toy to mock an ape was it of him, that shewed a country fellow the Red Sea, where all the red herrings were made (as some places in the sea, where the sun is most transpiercing, and beats with his rays ferventest, will look as red as blood) and the jest of a scholar in Cambridge, that standing angling on the town-bridge there, as the country people on the market-day passed by, secretly baited his hook with a red herring, with a bell about the neck; and so conveying it into the water that no man perceived it, all on the sudden, when he had a competent throng gathered about him, up he twitched it again, and laid it openly before them; whereat the gaping rural fools, driven into no less admiration than the common people about London, some few years since, were at the bubbling of Moor-ditch, swore by their Christendoms, that, as many days and years as they had lived, they never say such a miracle of a red-herring taken in fresh water before. That greedy sea-gull, ignorance, is apt to devour any thing: For a new Messias they are ready to expect of the Bedlam hatmaker's wife by London Bridge; he that proclaims himself Elias, and saith he is inspired with mutton and porridge: And, with them, it is current, that Don Sebastian, King of Portugal, slain twenty years since with Stukeley at the battle of Alcazar, is raised from the dead, like Lazarus, and alive to be seen at Venice. Let them look to themselves as they will, for I am theirs to gull them better than ever I have done; and this I am sure, I have distributed gudgeon dole amongst them, as God's plenty, as any stripling of my slender portion of wit far or near. They needs will have it so, much good do it them, I cannot do withal: For, if but carelesly, betwixt sleeping and waking, I write I know not what, against plebeian publicans and sinners, no better than the sworn brokers of candlestick-turners and tinkers, and leave some terms in suspence, that my post-haste want of argent will not give me elbow-room enough to explain and examine as I would, out steps me an infant squib of the inns of court, that hath not half greased his dining-cap, or scarce warmed his lawyer's cushion; and he, to approve himself an extravagant statesman, catcheth hold of a rush, and absolutely concludeth, it is meaned of the Emperor of Russia, and that it will utterly mar the traffick into that country, if all the pamphlets be not called in and suppressed, wherein that libelling word is mentioned. Another, if but a head or a tail of any beast, he boasts of in his crest or bis escutcheon, be reckoned up by chance in a volume where a man hath just occasion to reckon up all beasts in armoury, he straight engageth himself, by the honour of his house, and his never reculed sword, to thrash down the hairy roof of that brain that so seditiously mutinied against him, with the mortiferous bastinado; or cast such an incurable Italian trench in his face, as not the başest creeper upon pattens by the highway-side, but shall abhor him worse than the carrion of a dead corpse, or a man hanged up in gibbets.

I will deal more boldly, and yet it shall be securely, and in the way of honesty, to a number of Gou's fools, that, for their weaļth, might be

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deep wise men, and so forth (as non-a-days, in the opinion of the best lawyers of England, there is no wisdom without wealth, alledge what you can to the contrary of all the beggarly sages of Greece) these, I say, out of some discourses of mine, which were a mingle mangle cum putre, and I know not what to make of myself, have fished out such a deep politick state meaning, as if I had all the secrets of court and commonwealth at my fingers endis. Talk I of a bear; O, it is such a man that emblazons him in his arms; or of a wolf, a fox, or a chameleon, any lording, whom they do not affect, it is meaned by. The great potentate, stirred up with those perverse applications, not looking into the text itself, but the ridiculous comment; or, if he looks into it, follow's no other more charitable comment than that, straight thunders out his displeasure, and showers down the whole tempest of his indignation upon me; and, to amend the matter, and fully absolve himself of ihis rash error of misconstruing, he commits it over to be prosecuted by a worse misconstruer than himself, videlicet, his learned council (God forgive me, if I slander them with that title of learned, for generally they are not) and they, being compounded of nothing but vociferation and clamour, rage and fly out they care not how against a man's life, his person, his parentage, two hours before they come to the point, little remembering their own privy escapes with their laundresses, or their night walks to Pancridge, together with the hobnailed houses of their carterly ancestry, from whence they are sprung, that have cooled plough jades buttocks time out of mind, with the breath of their wbiste ling, and, with retailing their dung to manure lands, and selling straw and chaff

, scratched up the pence to make them gentlemen. But, Lord, how miserably do these ethnicks, when they once match to the purpose, set words on the tenters, never reading to a period, which you shall scarce find in thirty sheets of a lawyer's declaration, whereby they might conprehend the intire sense of the writer together, but disjoint and tear every syllable betwist their teeth severally? And if, by no means, they can make it odious, they will be sure to bring it into disgrace by ill-favoured mouthing and mis-sounding it. These be they, that use men's writings like brute beasts, to make them draw which way they list, as a principal agent, in church controversies of this our time, complaineth. I have read a tale of a poor man and an advocate, which poor man complained to the King of wrong that the advocate had done him, in taking away his cow. The King made him no answer but this, That he would send for the advocate, and hear what he could say. Nay, quoth the poor man, if you be at that pass, that you will pause

to hear what he will say, I have utterly lost my cow, for he hath words enough to make fools of ten thousand. So he, that shall have his lines banilied by our usual plodders in Fitzherbert, let him not care whether they be right or wrong; for they will writh and turn them as they list, and make the author believe he meaned that which he did not mean; and, for a knitting up conclusion, bis credit is tinreprieyably lost, that, on bare suspicion in such cases, shall but have his name controverted amongst them; and, if I should fall into their hands, I would be pressed to death for obstinate silence, and never seek to clear myself, for it is in vain, since both they will confound a man's

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