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memory with their tedions babbling, and, in the first three words of his apology, with impudent exclamations, interrupt bim; whenas their mercenary tongues, lye they never so loudly, without check or controul, must have their free passage for five hours together.

I speak of the worse sort, not of the best, whom I hold in high admiration, as well for their singular gifts of art and nature, as their untainted consciences with corruption; and, from some of them, I avow, I have heard as excellent things flow, as ever I observed in Tully or Demosthenes. Those that were present at the arraignment of Lopus, to insist upon no other particular, hereof, I am sure, will bear me res cord. Latinless dolts, saturnine heavy-headed blunderers, my invective hath relation to;, such as count all arts puppet-plays, and pretty rattles to please children, in comparison of their confused barbarous law, which, if it were set down in any Christian language, but the Getan tongue, it would never grieve a man to study it.

Neither (vid, nor Ariosto, could, by any persuasions of their parents, be induced to study the civil law, for the harshness of it; How much more, had they been alive at this day, and born in our nation, would they have consented to study this uncivil Norman hotchpotch? This sow of lead, that hath never a ring at the end to lift it up by, is, without head, or foot, the deformedest monster that may be ? I stand lawing here, what with these lawyers, and self-conceited misinterpreters, so long, that my red herring, which was hot broiling on the coals, is waxed stark cold for want of blowing. Have with them for a riddle or two, only to set their wits a nibbling, and their jobbernowls a working, and so good night to their seignories, but, with this indentment and caution, that, tho’ there be neither rhyme nor reason in it, as, by my "good-will there shall not, they, according to their accustomed gentle favours, whether I will or no, shall supply it with either, and run over all the peers of the land in peevish moralising and anatopis

There was a herring, or there was not, for it was but a cropshin, one of the refuse sort of herrings, and this herring, or this cropshin, was sensed and thurified in the smoke, and had got him a suit of durance, that would last longer than one of Erra Pater's almanacks, or a constable's brown bill; only his head was in his tail, and that made his breath so strong, that no man could abide him. Well, he was a Tritun of bis time, and a sweet-singing calander to the state, yet, not beloved of the showery Pleiades, or the Colossus of the sun; however, he thought himself another Tumidus Antimachus, as complete an Adelantado, as he that is known by wearing a cloke of tuffed taffety eighteen years; and to Lady Turbot there is no demur but he would needs go a wooing, and offered her, for a dowry, whole hecatombs, and a two-handed sword; she stared upon him with Megara's eyes, like Iris the messenger of Juno, and bad him go eat a fool's head and garlick, for she would have none of him; thereupon, particularly, strictly, and usually, he replied, That, though thunder never lights on Phoebus's tree, and Amphion, that worthy musician, was husband to Niobe, and there was nu such acceptable incense to the heavens as the blood of a traitor; revenged he would be, by one chimera of imagination of other, and

ing it.

hamper and embark her in those mortal streights, for her disdain, that, in spite of divine symmetry and miniature, into her busky grove she should let him enter, and bid adieu, sweet Lord, or the cramp of death should wrest her heart-strings.

This speech was no spirable odour to the Achelous of her audience; whereupon, she charged him, by the extreme lineaments of the Erimana thian bear, and by the privy fistula of the Pierides, to commit no suck excruciating syllables to the yielding air; for she would sooner make her a French hood of a cowshard, and a gown of spiders webs, with the sleeves drawn out with cabbages, than be so contaminated any more with his abortive loathly motives: With this, in an Olympick rage, he calls for a clean shirt, and puts on five pair of buskins, and seeketh out eloquent Xenophon, out of whose mouth the muses spoke, to declaim, in open court, against her.

The action is entered, the complaint of her wintered brows presented, of a violent rape of his heart she is indicted and convinced, Tha circumstance that follows you may imaginè or suppose; or, without supposing or imagining, I will tell you, the nut was cracked, the strife discussed, and the center of her heart laid open ; and, to this wild of sorrrow, and excruciament she was confined, either to be held a flat thornback, or sharp pricking dog fish to the publick weal, or seal herself close to his seal-skinned rivelled lips, and suffer herself, as a spirit, to be conj ured into the hellish circle of his embraces.

It would not be good cropshin, Madam Turbot could not away with such a dry withered carcass to lie by her; currat rex, vivat lex, come what would, she would have none of him; wherefore, as a poisoner of mankind with her beauty, she was adjudged to be boiled to death in hot scalding water, and to have her posterity thoroughly sauced, and soused, and pickled in barrels of brinish tears, so ruthful and dolorous, that the inhabitants on the Bosphorus should be laxative in deploring it. O for a legion of mice-eyed decipherers and calculators upon characters, now to augurate what I mean by this; the devil, if it stood upon his salvation, cannot do it, much less petty devils, and cruel Rhadamanths upon earth (elsewhere in France and Italy subintelligitur, and not in our auspicious island climate) men that have no means to purchase credit with their prince, but by putting him still in fear, and beating into bis opinion, that they are the only preservers of his life, in sitting up night and day in sifting out treasons, when they are the most traitors themselyes, to his life, health, and quiet, in continual commacerating him with dread and terror; when, but to get a pension, or bring him in their debt, next 10 God, for upholding his vital breath, it is neither so, nor so, but some fool, some drunken man, some madman in an intoxicated humour, hath uttered he knew not what, and they being starved for intelligence, or want of employment, take hold of it with tooth and Dail, and, in spite of all the waiters, will violently break into the King's chamber, and awake him at midnight to reveal it.

Say, that a more piercing lynceous sight should dive into the intrails of this insinuating parasite's knavery; to the strappado and the stretching torture he will refer it for trial, and there either tear him limb from limb, but be will extract some capital confession from him, that shall concern the Prince's life, and his crown and dignity, and bring himself in such necessary request about his Prince, that he may hold him for his right hand, and the only staff of his royalty, and think he were undone, if he were without him; when the poor fellow, so tyrannously handled, would rather, in that extremity of convulsion, confess be crucified Jesus Christ, than abide it any longer. I am not against it (for, God forbid I should) that it behoves all loyal, true subjec:s to be vigilant and jealous for their Prince's safety; and, certainly too jealous and vigilant of it they cannot be, if they be good princes that reign over them, nor use too many means of disquisition by tortures, or otherwise, to discover treasons pretended against thein; but, upon the least wagging of a straw, to put them in fear where no fear is, and make a hurliburly in the realm upon had I wist, not so much for any zcal or love to their princes, or tender care of their preservation, as to pick thanks and curry a little favour, that thereby they may lay the foundation to build a suit on, or cross some great enemy they have, I will maintain, it is most lewd and detestable: I accuse nonc, but such there have been belonging to princes iu former ages, if there be not at this hour.

Stay, let me look about: Where am I? In my text, or out of it? Not out, for a groat: Out, for an angel: Nay, I will lay no wagers, for, now I perponder more sadly upon it, I think I am out indeed. Bear with it; it was but a pretty parenthesis of princes and their parasites, which shall do you no harm, for I will cloy you with herring before we part.

Will you have the other riddle of the cropshin, to make up the pair that I promised you? You shall, you shall (not have it, I mean) but bear with me, for I cannot spare it, and, I persuade myself, you will be well contented to spare it, except it were better than the former; and yet, I pray you, What fault can you find with the former? Hath it any, more sense in it, than it should have ? Is it not right of the merry cobler's cut, in the witty play of “The Case is altered Y I will speak a proud word, though it may be accounted arrogancy

a in me to praise my own stuff: If it be not more absurd than Phillips Venus, The White Tragedy, or The Green Knight, or I can tell what English to make of it in part, or in whole, I wish, in the foulest weather that is, to go in cut Spanish leather shoes, or silk stockings, or to stand bare-headed to a nobleman, and not get of him the price of a periwig to cover my bare crown; no, not so much as a pipe of tobacco to raise my spirits, and warm my brain.

My readers, peradventure, may see more into it than I can; for, in comparison of them, in whatsoever I set forth, I am (Bernardus non vidit omnia) as blind as blind Bayard, and have the eyes of a beetle; nothing from them is obscure, they being quicker sighted than the sun, to espy in his beams the motes that are not, and able to transform the lightest murmuring gnat to an elephant. Carp, or descant they, as their spleen moves them, my spleen moves me not to defile my hands with them, but to fall a crash more to the red-herring.

How many are there in the world, that childishly deprave alchymy, and cannot spell the first letter of it! In the black book of which igno,

rant band of scorners, it may be, I am scored up with the highest: If I am, I must intreat them to wipe me out, for the red-herring hath lately been my ghostly father to convert me to their faith; the probatum est of wbose transfiguration ex luna in solem, from his dusky tin hue into a perfect golden blandishment, only by the foggy smoke of the grossest kind of fire that is, illumines my speculative soul, what much more, not sophisticate, or superficial effects, but absolute, essential alterations of metals there may be made by an artifical, repurified flame, and divers other helps of nature added besides.

Cornelius Agrippa maketh mention of some philosophers, that held the skin of the sheep, that bore the golden fleece, to be nothing but a book of alchymy written upon it; so, if we should examine matters to the proof, we should find the red herring's skin to be little less: The accidence of alchymy I will swear it is, be it but for that experiment of his smoaking alone; and, which is a secret that all tapsters will curse me for blabbing, in his skin there is plain witchcraft; for, do but rub a cann, or quart pot round about the mouth with it, let the cunningest lick-spiggot swelt his heart out, the beer shall never fuam or froth in the cup, whereby to deceive men of their measure, but be as settled as if it stood all night.

Next, to draw on hounds to a scent, to a red herring's skin there is nothing comparable; the round, or cob of it, dried and beaten to powder, is ipse ille against the stone ; and, of the whole body of it itself, the finest ladies beyond seas frame their kickshaws.

The rebel Jack Cade was the first, that devised to put red herrings in cades, and from him they have their name. Now, as we call it, the swinging of herrings, when he caded them; so in a halter was he swung, and trussed up as hard and round as any cade of herrings he trussed up in his time, and perhaps of his being so swung and trússed up, having first found out the trick to cade herring, they would so much honour him in his death, as not only to call it swinging, but cading of herring also. If the text will bear this, we will force it to bear more, but it shall be but the weight of a straw, or the weight of Jack Straw more, who with the same Græca fide, I marted unto you in the former, was the first that put the red herring in straw, over head and ears like beggars, and the fishermen upon that Jack-strawed him ever after; and some, for he was so beggarly a knave that challenged to be a gentleman, and had no wit nor wealth but what he got by the warm wrapping up herring, raised this proverb of him, “Gentleman Jack Herring that puis his breeches on his head, for want of wearing. Other disgraceful proverbs of the herring there are, as, Never a barrel better herring ; Neither flesh nor fish, nor good red herring,' which those that have bitten with ill bargains of either sort, haye dribbed forth in revenge, and yet not have them from Yarmouth ; many coast towns, besides it, enterprising to cure, sall, and pickle up herrings, but mar them; because they want the right feat, how to salt and season them. So I could pluck a crow with poet Martial, for calling it putre halec, the scauld rotten herring; but he meant that of the fat reasty Scottish herrings, which will endure no salt, and in one month (bestow what cost on them you will) wax rammish, if they be kept; whereas our imbarrelled

white herrings, flourishing with the stately brand of Yarmouth upon
them, scilicet, the three half lions, and the three half fishes, with the
crown over their head, last in long voyages, better than the red herring,
and not only are famous at Roan, Paris, Dieppe, and Caen (whereof
the first, which is Roan, serveih all the high countries of France with it,
and Dieppe, which is the last save one, victuals all Picardy with it) but
here at home is made account of like a marquiss, and received at court
right solemnly; I care not much if I rehearse to you the manner, and
that is thus :
1 Every year about Lent tide, the sheriffs of Norwich bake certain
herring pies, four and twenty as I take it, and send them as a bomage to
the Lord of Caster hard by there, for lands that they hold of him; who
presently upon the like tenure, in bouncing hampers covered over with
his cloth of arms, sees them conveyed to the Court in the best equipage;
at Court when they are arrived, his man rudely enters not at first, but
knocketh very civilly, and then officers come and fetch him in with
torch-light, where, having disfraughted and unloaded his luggage, to
supper he sets him down like a, lord, with his wax lights before him,
and hath his mess of meat allowed him with the largest, and his horses
(quatenus horses) are provendered as epicurely; After this, some four
mark fee toward his charges is tendered him, and he jogs home again
merrily.
1. A white pickled herring? Why, it is meat for a prince. Haunce
Vandervecke of Rotterdam, as a Dutch post informed me, in bare
pickled herring, laid out twenty thousand pounds, the last fishing: He
had lost his drinking belike, and thought to store himself of medicines
enow to recover it.

Noble Cæsarean Charlemain Herring, Pliny and Gesner were to blame they slubbered thee over so negligently. I do not see wby any man should envy thee, since thou art none of these Lurcones or Epulones, gluttons, or flesh-pots of Egypt (as one, that writes of the Christians captivity under the Turk, stileth us Englishmen) nor livest thou by the unliving or eviscerating of others, as most fishes do, or by any extraordinary filth whatsoever; but, as the chameleon liveth by the air, and the salamander by the fire, so only by the water art thou nourished, and nought else, and must swim as well dead as alive.

Be of good chear, my weary readers, for I have espied land, as Diogenes said to his weary scholars, when he had read to a waste leaf. Fishermen, I hope, will not find fault with me for fishing before the net, or making all fish that comes to the net 'in this history, since, as the Athenians bragged, they were the first that invented wrestling; and one Erichthonius amongst them, that he was the first that joined horses in collar couples for drawing; so I am the first that ever set quill to paper in praise of any fish or fishermen.

Not one of the poets aforetime could give yoų or the sea a good word. Oyid saith,

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Nimium ne credite ponto,

The sea is a slippery companion, take heed how you trust him,

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