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Snacks. I think your lordship is perfectly right; for these pursuits are too low for one of your lordship’s nobility.
Rob. Lordship, and lordship again! I'll tell you what, Master Snacks— let's have no more of your fun, for I won't stand it any longer, for all you be steward here : my name's Robin Roughhead, and if you don't choose to call me by that name, I shan't answer you, that's flat.—I don't like him well enough to stand his jokes. (Aside.)
Snacks. Why then, Master Robin, be so kind as to attend whilst I read this letter. (Reads.)
Sir,—This is to inform you, that my lord Lackwit died this morning, after a very short illness ; during which he declared that he had been married, and had an heir to his estate: the woman he married was commonly called, or known, by the name of Roughhead: she was poor and illiterate, and through motives of false shame, his lordship never acknowledged her as his wife : she has been dead sometime since, and left behind her a son called Robin Roughhead: now this said Robin is the legal heir to the estate. I have therefore sent you the necessary writings to put him into immediate possession, according to his lordship's last will and testament. Yours to command,
Kit CODICIL, Attorney at Law.” Rob. What !—What all mine ? the houses, the trees, the fields, the hedges, the ditches, the gates, the horses, the dogs, the cats, the cocks, and the hens, and the cows, and the bulls, and the pigs, and the—What! are they all mine ? and I, Robin Roughhead, am the rightful lord of all this estate ? Don't keep me a minute now, but tell me—is it so ? make haste, tell mequick, quick!
Snacks. I repeat it, the whole estate is yours.
Rob. Huzza! Huzza! (Catches off Snacks hat and wig.) Set the bells a ringing; set the ale a running; set-Go get my hat full of guineas to make a scramble with; call all the tenants together. I'll lower their rents—I'll —
Snacks. I hope your lordship will do me the favor to
Snacks. Beef-steaks and onions! What a dish for a lord ! He'll be a savory bit for my daughter, though. (Aside.)
Rob. What are you at there, Snacks ? Go, get me the guineas-make haste; I'll have the scramble, and then I'll go to Dolly, and tell her the news.
Snacks. Dolly! Pray, my lord, who's Dolly ?
Rob. Why, Dolly is to be my lady, and your mistress, if I find you honest enough to keep you in my employ.
Snacks. He rather smokes me. (Aside.) I have a beauteous daughter, who is allowed to be the very pink of perfection.
Rob. Hang your daughter! I have got something else to think of ; don't talk to me of your daughter; stir your stumps, and get the money.
Snacks. I am your lordship’s most obsequious— Zounds ! what a peer of the realm. (Aside and exit.)
Rob. Ha! ha! ha! What work I will make in the village ! -Work! no, there shall be no such thing as work: it shall be all play.—Where shall I go? I'll go to—No, I won't go there; I'll go to Farmer Hedgestakes, and tell him-No, I'll not go there ; I'll go—I'll go no where; yes, I will; I'll go every where; I'll be neither here nor there, nor any where else. How pleased Dolly will be when she hears
(Enter villagers, shouting.) Dick, Tom, Jack, how are you, my lads ?—Here's news for you! Come, stand round, make a ring, and I'll make a bit of a speech to you. (They all get round him.) First of all, I suppose Snacks has told you that I am your landlord ?
Vil. We are all glad of it.
All. Huzza! long live lord Robin!
Rob. I'll have no poor people in the parish, for I'll make 'em all rich ; I'll have no widows, for I'll marry 'em all. (Villagers shout.) I'll have no orphan children, for I'll father 'em all myself; and if that's not doing as a lord should do, then I say I know nothing about the matter—that's all. All. Huzza! huzza !
(Enter Snacks.) Snacks. I have brought your lordship the money.--He means to make 'em fly, so I have taken care the guineas shall be all light. (Aside.)
Rob. Now, then, young and old, great and small, little and tall
, merry men all, here's among you—(Throws the money; they scramble.) Now you've got your pockets filled, come to the castle, and I'll fill all your mouths for you. (Villagers carry him off shouting. Snacks follows.)