that pinnacle, he threw me down and broke all my bones, by sending his law home to my heart: then I saw myself in a dreadful state; not only that I had been a sinner, but now was, and could do nothing good. In reading the Bible, what gained my greatest attention was, God's anger against sin, and his commands to sanctify myself holy unto the Lord Well, I inquired how a man might sanctify himself to the Lord; and was informed, the people who frequented the tabernacle went there on Saturday evening to sanctify themselves against Sunday. When Saturday evening came I set off and went; but when I came out, found myself more like a devil than a saint. At this time I was quite ignorant of the way of salvation by Jesus Christ: what makes me say so is, because there are many who, to my knowledge, never had a change of heart, that know it is through the merits of Jesus Christ they must be saved; but then, say they, Jesus Christ died for all: but I was quite ignorant even of the name of Jesus Christ. These workmongers set me many tasks to do; I began to read the Bible and pray to God, as I called it and worked hard too; till at last I began to feel such enmity spring up in my heart, that I said on this wise, Surely God is a hard God! for he sets man to do more than he is able. Why should he be so hard with a creature that he has made? I laboured under this a long time, yet durst not utter the hard thoughts and enmity I had against him.

I became acquainted with one man in particular, and would have given the world if I had been as good as him: said I, if I tell that man what I feel, he will doubtless condemn me, and then I will give it all up. Accordingly, when we met again, I told him what I felt, what enmity I had against God and his word. He seemed surprised; and, upon my asking him if he ever felt any thing of the kind, he answered me very sternly, No! God forbid that I should have enmity against God or his word. He left me wounded. Well, thought I, damned I shall be, do what I will; then began to quarrel with myself for living such a wicked life, and with my mother for not correcting me when I ran away from my master: had I staid with him, I might have went to church, and lived a better life than I have done; but it is too late now. I shall be damned! I cannot repent: well, I will give it up, and think no more about it. I did set off once to get drunk, but surely I felt a hell in my conscience at the same time. I laboured here a great while, frequenting a chapel in Nightingale-lane, East Smithfield, called the Mulberry Gardens, in the Countess of Huntingdon's connection; at this time so ignorant was I, that I did not know they would grant me a ticket for a seat, so skulked about like a thief. Messrs. Wand Jenkins preached there at that time, but I was afraid to speak to any one about my state. However, one evening, I shall never forget it, a woman, who attended there, would force her

conversation upon me, and drew from me many things concerning my distress, which I did not think to speak of; but I had no sooner left her, than I was seized with such violent temptations as I never felt; it was to run down Tower-hill, right into the Thames, and drown myself. And I really thought that the devil ran away with me, for I ran against several people, and have no doubt but I knocked them down. I have viewed the spot many a time since where I stopt. I ran against a large post, and clung fast hold of it, as if any body had drove me, and believe I foamed at the mouth like a mad dog till I had vent. I then burst into tears, went up a little passage, and suppose I cried for a quarter of an hour, after which I found some composure of mind. I set off viewing my sad state, and washed my face at a pump, that my wife might not perceive I had been weeping; for at this time the devil set her on to persecute me, and sometimes we would quarrel, yea fight; but, notwithstanding I was in this state, there were seasons that I preached closely to her what I felt, read the Bible to her, and also the Prayer Book, though I did not believe she was so bad as I was, yet I never could get her to bend the knee to God; but, blessed be God for ever, he made use of me as an instrument to bring her on her knees not many months after, when she found herself in as bad a pickle as I was; and then the devil did make a hand of us with a witness, for there is nobody but the Lord

knows the snares, gins, and traps he laid for us. Here I a long time laboured under the law, without having the least view of Jesus Christ. The Lord next led me to meditate what Jesus Christ was: my attention at chapel was to hear what was said about Jesus Christ; and where I could find his name in the Bible, I pondered it over, for it seemed something new to me: I was led, step by step, to see that he came to save sinners; then, thought I, I am a sinner, but then I am too bad. After much labour here I heard somebody speaking about a new birth; I could not make this out at all, thinking we must be so changed by the Holy Ghost as to be perfect in thought, word, and deed. However, one summer evening, I went into Moorfields, where a man had been preaching, and, finding two men arguing with each other, I drew near, like a condemned criminal, to hear what they had to say, and whether they touched my case. One of them observed, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." To which the other replied, the words run thus: If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and the truth is not in us.' Intimating that they had been sinners, but now freed from sin in the flesh; that they which had received the grace of God were perfectly holy. They loaded me pretty well, agreeable to the Lord's words: "They bind heavy burdens on men's shoulders, which are grievous to be borne." Thought I, if it be possible for

men to arrive at a state of perfection, they certainly must be the people, and I am far enough from that. Well, I strove hard, prayed oftener, went to chapel oftener, read the Bible oftener, and thought, if this will not do I will give it up; and I declare that I found enmity in my heart all the time I was at it; but shortly the Lord would frustrate the whole of it. I would fall into some sin, and then I came to my old conclusion, I shall be damned after all.

I often say what a peculiar blessing it is from God to be placed under a pastor that can point out the way to a poor entangled creature, but the Lord knows I never met with any that ever spoke to my feelings till he placed me under you; for if they did at any time touch upon it, they pulled it all to pieces before they had done. However, the Lord carried on his work, and, after this toiling and fretting, the blessed Spirit was pleased to open the eyes of my understanding to discern in some measure the way of salvation through Jesus Christ, and that he came to seek and to save sinners, and I felt myself one of the blackest cast; but then it was, "He that believes shall be saved, and he that believes not shall be damned." And I could not believe that Christ would save me; I could believe that he would damn me, this I could believe. The common cry among my associates was, Why do you not believe? Only believe, say they, and the work is done. Well, I strove to believe, and would with all my soul, if I could; and when I found I could not,