ters, tying over marmalade and pickles. These uses, however, imply females of a fair complexion: the brunettes must submit to be tanned. Thus, in a convent of nuns, the transparent skins might be manufactured into the whitest vellum, and form a library of illuminated missals; while those of a deeper tinge would bind up Moore's Anacreon, the works of Sir Charles Hanbury Williams, La Pucelle d'Orleans, and last, but not least, Don Juan. The projected History of England, to be compiled by a dancing-master, should be written on parchment prepared from the integuments of the members of the Society of Antiquaries, who, of course, will die off faster than the work can be written; each skin to be stamped with the name of the owner, and his addition of A S S. The parchment from a termagant or scold converted to its appropriate use, the covering of a drum, will infallibly perpetuate her memory, and therefore become more alarming than 'The cock's shrill clarion or the echoing horn." " The Professor now exults, and subsequently softens. "The skin of my enemy shall become the materials of my shoes, that I may tread him under my feet; or it shall form the covering of my saddle, that I may ride triumphantly over him; but my travelling-companion's shall be converted into a portmanteau, and still continue my viaticum. My friend shall line my pockets, and my mistress become an under-waistcoat, to be worn-by him who was always loving her nearest, as Shylock has it, (curse him for his felicity of unadopted expression), nearest his heart.' "A few strips of leather from the hide of a satirist ought to be platted into the thong of a whip, and become a scourge to posterity; and a fellow convicted of cruelty to animals under the act passed last session, should furnish harness for a donkey: a suspicious listener should supply gilt leather for the door of a private apart ment, and the Opposition Members of Parliament be manufactured into bellows, to fan the fuel from whence arises Freedom's holy flame.' Leaving the superficies of the human carcase to its multiplied utility, we now penetrate into the regions of fat, a noxious mass to the individual while living, as we have already ex- "Man being deservedly placed at the head of the animal creation, presumes that his structure is the most perfect, and that his body therefore is composed of the best materials. At present, there may be some difficulty in advantageously disposing of the mus cular flesh, the greatest portion of the body; but the recollection of the occurrence in the cemetery of the Holy Innocents at Paris, where many thousand dead bodies were converted into spermaceti by being exposed to subterraneous springs of running water, places this subject in a clear light, which will burn still clearer if spermaceti be substituted for tallow in all decent families. What a consolation for stupid people, to learn that when they are dead they will be enabled to throw light upon any subject, however abstruse! A brawny methodist preacher would be delighted with the information, that his ultimate corporeal destiny is to illuminate his own meeting-house, and be extinguished by a fair hand at a love-feast. "Spermaceti, which is now termed cetaceum, from the supposition that it is the exclusive production of the fish called Physeter macrocephalus, bears a considerable price, being collected with extreme difficulty, danger, and expense, in the northern and southern oceans. The projected conversion of muscular flesh into this cetaceous substance, would permit those giants of the deep to roll unmolested in their Polar seas; and as the ladies are recommended to discontinue the use of stays, to avoid the baneful effects of unnatural compression, whale bone will be a superfluous commodity. The remaining parts of the animal are of secondary utility. The hair, of course, where it is coarse hair, will be employed, after due curling and baking, to give it additional spring and elasticity, for the stuffing of chairs and sofas; the longer tresses will be worn in imitation of nature by the votaries of fashion, to supply the deciduous fell of antiquated maidens, and decorate bald beauties. Neæra's tangles might be woven into a scratch; perhaps a lawless libertine might fur nish the full bottom of my Lord Chief, and all the bed of cauliflowers in a court of justice." "The wisdom's in the wig.”—Old Song At length come the solid and important distributions of the osseous matter, with which the Essay concludes. Professor Bumgroschen states himself to be an economical osteologist, and converts the bones of the departed into a material for fertilizing the land, after they have been comminuted into small portions, or ground into coarse powder. He refers to some experiments that have been lately made in this country, establishing the superiority of such ossific manure from the bones of other animals. He then breaks forth into the following energetic apostrophe: "Gracious heaven! what a sacrifice has hitherto been made of the material of fertility! Hear this, ye clay-cold soils, ye blasted heaths, and barren mountains!!! How has the industrious husbandman toiled in vain, in turning up a refractory and stubborn soil! labouring until he became exhausted, his body emaciated by the flow of perspiration, and his bones marrowless! How often has he cast an anxious look, a jealous glance, at the church-yard Beneath those rugged elms, the yewtree's shade, Where heaves the turf in many a mouldering heap ;' where the cypress flourished, and the luxuriant ivy shed its gum! Many a time and oft has he compared the dwarf and watery potatoes, the stinted celery, and spindle-shanked greencole of his own garden, with the rich foison that sprouted from the gravethe revelry of vegetation. This application of the ossific material is the only mean of protecting the bones from insult, and of preventing the obdurate grave-digger from playing at loggets with the skull of the poet or the philosopher Quis desiderio sit pudor aut modus Tam cari capitis ?' "By adopting this manure, we shall obtain double crops; famine will become an obsolete term, and the land will flow with milk and honey. Independently of the blessings that will accrue to agriculture, there will remain bone sufficient for the manufac ture of elegant toys and useful implenoble poet for quaffing claret from a ments. We have the example of a now be literally followed by the bibsilver-mounted cranium, and it may liopolists, who may take their compotations of wine from the skulls of authors who spun their brains for them while living. The elbow-joints of a gambler may be cut into dice and card-counters; a gourmand's armbones may be carved into knife-handles; those of an author into papercutters; the femoral bones of a tailor may be sawn into button-moulds; and the shanks of a dandy converted into bodkins, apple-scoops, and whistles." The concluding passage is as follows: "Thus it will be seen that the post-obituary employment of the human remains is the elevated (esholume) system of philosophical and political economy, the grand desideratum of national wealth, the true tontine for the benefit of survivorship." The work is dedicated to Joseph Hume, Esq. M. P. in an elegant address, of which the following is as faithful a transcript as the difference of the two languages will admit : "SIR, "AMONG the long list of illustrious characters that compose, adorn, and dignify the English nation, you are deservedly pre-eminent; and this information, being derived from those valuable sources of information, The Times, formerly anabaptized by its editor, the leading journal of Europe, and the Morning Chronicle, a print which, since the accession of Miladi Morgan as editor for foreign affairs, is distinguished for its uniform veracity, is a sufficient inducement to dedicate the following pages to your notice. Your penetrating sagacity will instantly seize the prominent linea ments of this system of political economy, and your incorrigible arithmetic acumen, correctly so denominated, as it requires no correction, will calculate the total of the whole that may be gathered to alleviate the burthensome taxation under which your coun MR NORTH, try now deeply groans and loudly murmurs. Having been in some de gree medically educated, and familiar with dissection, you will experience, on adverting to the anatomical processes, no emotion or disgust, nor will the reader permit himself to be conscious of those feelings, which might have been apprehended had this work been inscribed to a less ardent and more compunctious advocate for philosophical save-all-ism.+ It is natural that every successful projector should expect the remuneration due to his contrivances; but be assured, sir, that my views and feelings are pure and disinterested, and that I am content to wait for my reward until you are appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer, and the national debt is expunged. As to the approbation of the world and the applause of posterity, I feel calmly confident, that when your renown shall descend the stream of time like a magnificent Indiaman, to future ages, • Then shall my little bark attendant sail, Pursue the triumph and partake the gale. "In short, Sir, participating the de ferential feelings of the meek and modest Creevy, whose parliamentary motions, worthy of an industrious continuator of Hume, have obtained for him the honourable cognomen of Smollet, I shall (to use an epithet which will shortly become obsolete except in a singularly personal sense) be satisfied with posthumous fame. I am, Sir, With respect and fraternal affection, &c. &c. &c." SIR,-When the learned Professor's sanction was obtained for the publication of this abstract of his erudite and luminous work, he intimated a wish that it should blaze forth in the pages of Maga. Conceiving that, from the nature of its subject, it might be better suited to the solemn and plodding matterof-fact columns of Sir Richard, or worthy John Nichols, we transmitted a representation, through our correspondents at Leipzig, Messrs Kerzengiesser and Trockenbein, adding, that we considered it comparatively a matter of indifference to what journal it was sent, as such sterling stuff must make its own way. By our last advices, we find that the Professor is peremptory. His rescript is very testy and laconic : Ex quovis ligno non fit Mercurius; which he thus paraphrases : Every bookseller is not a Blackwood. In conformity to his strict order, therefore, we forward the paper to you, and remain Your very obedient Servants, OBSTHANDLER & Co. Austin Friars, • Vide Adam Smith, nunquam. + Vide Jeremy Bentham, passim. LETTERS FROM ITALY. No. III. lian-the moon, though she was not "yellow"-the lake, and eke the chamber-an immense saloon, superbly painted and adorned, with a pool of water in the middle of the tiled floor, (the effects of the late shower), round which our beds were placed, conveni ently enough for those inclined to bathe. We protested, but in vainate, slept, and departed. A WALK from Duomo to the beautiful convent above it, was as Italian as a certain friend of ours could have wished the thermometer 93 in the shade objects around too bright even for green spectacles, and vines supported on small granite pillars, converting the mountain side into so many bowers, to our enormous envy as we scorched upon the road. Too languid, driving south, to look back to the Alps, of which, by the bye, we had seen quite enough, just sufficient energy was left us to observe the abundance and beauty of the cultivation. The land is separated into narrow, oblong fields, by fig-trees and rows of vines, not the dwarf and lucrative species of France, but the more picturesque and classic kind, which, after Virgil's, precept of Ulmis adjungere vites," are attached to standard trees. The crops were for the most part millet, and Turkey corn of a stupendous size, with here and there a field of rampant potato stalks. Those who can afford it, eat the bread of our common wheat in summer, and use that of the Turkey corn in winter, it being of a heating quality. We were aroused from languor at Feriuoli by the breeze and prospect of the Lago Maggiore, which is not so very beautiful. The Borromeo Palace on the Isola Bella, is a barrack unworthy of remark; and the terraced gardens, which enchanted Burnet, and which still call forth the admiration of our travellers, are curious certainly, but nothing more. Nor does the view over the Lake towards its sister one of Como, promise any of the beauty said to be found there. Como, I am ashamed to say, I did not visit, having arrived at Milan quite satiated with the picturesque; nor did the name of Pliny, nor his intermittent fountain, seem sufficient attractions to counterbalance two days' broiling under an August sun. On the shore of the lake, near Belgirata, we were indulged with a thunder storm, that soon dismissed the gay pleasure boats home, and set the Alps in earnest conversation with each other. It passed, however, in a little time; and from the balcony of the inn at Arona, we enjoyed a most delicious view of the lake by moonlight. All was Ita Being market day, or rather morning, we met numbers of peasantry going to Arona, all laden with chickens. Save and except one lean cow, we saw no commodity going to market, in a road crowded for four or five miles, but poultry. The Piedmontese of and adjacent to the mountains, are a fine race as fine as they are the contrary in the lower parts of the country. Comical head-dresses the women wear: as one of them approaches, you perceive large lumps of metal on each side of the head; these are found to be the ornamental ends of a long bar or needle, which is thrust through the hair behind, and twisted till every lock becomes tightly screwed to the skull. To complete the coiffure, a dozen or two smaller auxiliary bright-headed pins are stuck round in a circle, so as to form a star at the back of the head, while a knot of ribands from the top generally falls over the forehead and temples. This is universally the headdress of the lower order of females throughout the Milanese; the middling ranks appear generally in a black veil. The hat of the breeched sex is picturesque, as we know from the costumi of Pinelli. While on the subject of peasant coiffure, I may as well exhaust my stock of observation. Eastward of Milan, till one draws near to Venice, the damsels are to be met in plain round hats, like our own; and pretty faces are to be seen under these, especially at Verona, where the race of Juliet, if love and beauty be the characteristics, is certainly not yet extinct. At Venice are the fazzuoli, which having in general remarked filthy, and over the ugliest faces in Italy, I beg leave to differ from so complete a judge of female beauty as the Author of Don Juan. At Ferrara and Bologna the metal pins are again encountered; and at Rome, in fine, are the Spanish nets and square-crowned kerchiefs, both so well known from pictures. At Sesto Calendæ we crossed the Ticin like other Hannibals, and routed, with a few francs, an army of douaniers on either bank. The passage was achieved in what they called a flying bridge-a double boat, that took about a quarter of an hour to pass the narrow stream. Hannibal's first engagement in Italy took place lower down the river, near to where the Ticin joins the Po. A few hours brought us to the intended gate of Milan, with which Bonaparte purposed to terminate the Simplon road: we had seen one of the destined pillars, as we descended, a little above Duomo, arrested there by the fall of the Emperor. For the first time, I saw Austrian troops, or rather Hungarians, of which the Lombard garrisons are all composedstout, short men, with their stomachs unmercifully strapt, like wasps. Our dandies are nothing to them in the way of lacing; besides, their belt is not round the waist, but the belly-the custom seems extremely well adapted for short commons. To a person who has read Goldsmith's history of Rome at school, and nothing since, the sight of Austrians dominant here is shocking; but a little further reading smoothes, in a great degree, his indignation. If he is not moved by respect for the name and family of the Caesars, and if he think it a profanation that Germans should reign in Italy, he at least cannot censure the Austrian go vernment for endeavouring to hold those territories, that have been in its possession, a few intervals excepted, from the very infancy of modern Europe. Whether antiquity of possession, or vicinity, bestow the right of dominion, the Austrians have far bet ter claims to govern Lombardy, than we have to rule India. After the decadence of the successors of Charlemagne, it was the Italians themselves who called, in 960, Otho the Great from Germany, to rule over them: And let it be remembered, that the cities of Italy, so celebrated and so prosperous in the middle ages, owed all their rights and liberties to German emperors, which, under native princes, they could never have acquired. When the race of Otho became extinct, and some cities thought of elevating a native of Italy to the supreme rule, who were they that stood and supported the German interest ?-the Milanese. All through the middle ages, the Italians universally preferred to be governed by a foreign prince, a preference, not merely founded on jealousy of each other, but on experience and sound policy; for a more wretched, unsafe, slavish state of society, is not to be found in history, than that existing either in the republics or under the tyrants of Italy the very word tyrants bespeaks the one-and, for the republics, we have but to look at Dante, or the historians of his time, to learn the hap piness of petty independence and nominal freedom. But all this is out of place. The Milanese, perhaps, prefer the French; but having neither the knowledge, the territorial force, nor indeed the wish, to be independent, I had rather see Austrian than French colours on their fortresses. We of course saw all the sightsthe Duomo, or Cathedral, imprimis. A Northern is suprised to find the chef d'œuvre of Gothic architecture in Italy, and more surprised to find the work going on at this day. This Cathedral, begun in 1386, is not yet finished. We may, however, live in hope, for there are actually half-a-dozen workmen employed daily (feasts excepted) on its enormous mass. It is built of white marble, as all the guide-books take care to inform us. These vaunts sound big to those who have not been in Italy, and have not seen how their wretched brick are inlaid, as it were, with marble and stone. Gothic edifices are said to be sombre, and to suit the cloudy climates of the north, for no better reason, I believe, than that their fretted surfaces have gained that character by collecting the smut of smoke and time. One should think that the minute beauties of this order were peculiarly adapted to those clear atmospheres that allow every denture of the chisel to be conspicuous. The lately ornamented part of Westminster Abbey ought to be here under the same sky with the Milanese Duomo, and the Tuscan palaces of the Pitti and the Strozzi ought to be on the banks of the Thamesthey have no business in Florence, and nothing in common with the Arno. An exception, however, must be made as to spires and steeples-the "silent fingers" are nothing beneath the lofty sky of Italy, that seems to mock any attempt at height on this earth of ours. |